Hurry up and wait.

Hurry up and wait. That’s how it feels lately. Today was eventful, but at the same time, NOT eventful.

Kris got to come with me today. As soon as we walked in the first set of doors, the greeter (Dottie) jumped off her stool and said, “Hey, wait a minute!” and ran up to hug us both and told us to have a great day. Now that is how you greet someone! We were also hugged by a few other staff members throughout the day. I have yet to interact with someone there that wasn’t super nice and loving.

Met with my coordinator (Joanie) for the clinical trial today, and then had several tubes of blood drawn for the trial research. She confirmed I’d be getting the PICC line and said she’s going to get the appointment scheduled to go on and have it done.

Then met with Angel (who also loves to give hugs!) and Dr. Outlaw, who will be doing my radiation treatments. They did another vaginal (and rectal) exam. Everyone wants to meet Barb. (Barb is what I named my tumor. Read my previous blog post titled Barb if you don’t understand.) I joked with Kris that I’m getting real tired of people going up in my lady parts and up in the back door without buying me dinner, but what can ya do?

Then we went over all the details of my radiation: every weekday, Monday through Friday, for 5-6 weeks for the external radiation. Then two weeks of internal radiation called Brachytherapy, but I’m not going into those details today because all that comes after the external radiation has been completed. The external radiation visits will be 30-45 minutes each. The radiation itself is about 20 minutes. I’ll have to lay on the table inside what’s basically a body cast made from a mold of my own body. This is done to make sure I’m in exactly the same position each time, and that I can’t move during treatment. Makes sense. We went over side effects too. Because my cancer is in the cervix, everything in and closely surrounding my pelvic area will be affected by the radiation. Because the bladder is in front of the cervix, I’ll have burning and irritation that makes me feel like I have a bladder infection. Because the rectum is behind the cervix, I’ll have irritation there, but nothing that Imodium can’t fix. The intestines are close by, so they’ll be affected as well, and that results in diarrhea (can I get a double shot of Imodium?) and of course nausea and vomiting. The treatments in general will cause fatigue and she stressed to not try to do too much and always let her know about nausea immediately. On the bright side, she said all of my hair down there will fall out, so at least I don’t have to bother with landscaping my ladybits for a while. Score!! Then there’s the obvious side effect of dry, irritated skin at the site of the radiation. No baths, only showers. And she said I have to dry my area down there with a blow-dryer instead of drying it with a towel. Something about it preventing infection. The thought of blowdrying my hoo-ha with a hair dryer is cracking me up. That would make for a hilarious Amazon review, am I right?

Before radiation treatments can start, they have to send the plan to my insurance company and get their approval, which can take 3-5 business days. Once it’s approved, I’ll go in to do a simulation of the radiation and they'll make my body mold. And then, it takes a few days for them to get everything ready for the mold itself and to figure out my exact radiation amount and allow time for the doctor to tweak it until it’s exactly what she wants. So basically, it’s another week and a half to two weeks before treatment starts, at least for radiation anyway. Hence the title, hurry up and wait. Sigh. But at least I can drive myself to/from radiation, as long as nausea is kept under control. (I’m not allowed to drive myself to/from chemo.)

The question everyone keeps texting me and asking: How do I feel? Here’s the thing. I’ll always say fine, because not only does it seem like a good response to a vague question, but mostly because I don’t want to unload on people. That’s what this blog is for. So this is where I wrote how I really feel. If you have specific questions to ask, I’ll answer those. I have no problem answering anything, anytime. (Are you nauseous today? How’s the bleeding? Does anything hurt?)
So for the real answer... I’m nervous, but not scared. Yet, anyway. I’m mostly ready to just start. I’m tired of gushing blood. Tired of cramps and stabbing pains in my pelvis. Tired of feeling lightening bolts zapping around in my hooha. (I’m told this is because my tumor is growing sideways and it’s causing my cervix to dilate, the same as when you’re in labor to give birth. Awkward...) Tired of not knowing when this will start because I can’t plan holidays or events or anything on any days because I don’t know if I’ll be feeling sick or half dead on whatever day. We have 5 birthday party invitations on the fridge and a couple more on Facebook, all of which I can’t RSVP to because I just don’t know. It sucks, but my doctors seem to have a fantastic plan to prevent all the nausea and vomiting from happening, so I’m staying optimistic, but still cautious when RSVPing to events.

I did get get my flu shot the other day like I was told. The same day, Kris went to urgent care because of an upper respiratory infection. He got his flu shot too, and 3 prescriptions of meds. Then yesterday Zoey woke up snotty and stuffy and running a fever. So much for staying away from sick people. Pretty sure hers is just her sinuses from this stupid weather. 38 degrees in the mornings, 75 by lunch. Ridiculous.

So anyway, that’s where I stand today. I feel like I’m forgetting something. There’s always so much information to take in and it always leaves me mentally exhausted and with a bad headache. I’ll update again when/if I remember.

If if you’re still with me reading this, sorry it’s so long. I write more details than you probably want to know because I also post this for myself to help me remember everything.