Life, love, and the pursuit of happiness. Isn't it all the same in the end? I mean, doesn't it all tie together somehow? I don't know really. It is for me, I know that much. And that's all that matters. Alot has changed in such a short period of time. For those who don't know, I suppose I should start from the beginning.
Since it's after midnight now, today is officially Sunday. Which means it was exactly 3 weeks ago today that Chris and I decided [mutually] to get a divorce. We were getting along great, but just wasn't actually happy with our life. There's an old saying that goes like this: You'll never leave where you are until you decide where you'd rather be. Well, that was true for us. And we both finally decided where we'd rather be. I already knew, of course. Both what I wanted and where I wanted to be, and also what HE wanted, or rather who, lol. But it took him time to see it. Maybe he just wasn't ready to leave his comfort zone and try, who knows. But he is now. So we did it. We had 'the talk' and all the tension that had been between us was gone. Just melted away, that easily. He told me he knew what I wanted, or rather who, and even gave me his blessing to go for it before it was too late. So, I did the same naturally, and although there is a slight bit of an 'obstacle' for him right now in getting what he wants, I hope he hangs in there and overcomes it. Because I think she is a great person and they would make a cute couple. :)
I also went after what I wanted, which most of you already know is Kris. And while it caused all kinds of chaos in the chain of friends for the both of us, we just said fuck it and held on tighter as we were dragged through the mud. Cause at the end of the day, our true friends are the ones who are happy for us. Regardless of how long it took, what happened in between, or what we went through to get to where we finally are now. The ones who didn't stop talking to one of us just because other people did. We are happy. We got an apartment and will be moving into it together in about 3 weeks. (Which totally excites me not only for obvious reasons, but because my balla' Nickett will be my neighbor and I'll have a pool all through summer. I know right?!) It seems like everything is falling into place finally. Almost a year later, haha. But better late than never, right? :)
I am happy. Truly happy. And I'm sorry if that's hell for anyone, but I think I deserve that much. Even if you disagree. But really, who are you to judge? The only person who should have a problem with it is Chris, and he doesn't. Like I said, he's the one who told me to go for it, so why should anyone else care? They shouldn't, right? Oh but they do. Because people are still telling him about things I'm doing, or things I've done. Guess what though? He already knows. I told him everything. So stop trying to screw me over because your life sucks.
To the people that were friends with both Chris and I -- thank you to the very few of yall who remained true and didn't start any of the above mentioned drama and gossip. Thank you to those of you who continue to come around and hang out with the both of us. Thank you to the ones who actually took the time to see what was going on now is a very positive thing, and what's best for everyone. You see that we get along better now than we have in a looong time. And we will continue to do so. I consider Chris one of my very best friends. And nothing will change that. We will continue to hang out together and do things together, even though we are divorcing. We never were a normal married couple, why be a normal divorced couple? lol
But to those of you who quit talking to us once you found out about the divorce -- thanks for showing us your true colors. Thanks for the complete lack of support, cause if you're being this way now with it on good terms, I can only imagine what kind of moral support (or should I say lack of) that you would show if this was bad and I/he/we needed you. To you-(you'll know who you are when you read this next part)-Don't worry about texting me on that one day of the week to see if we plan on showing up that night. We won't be. Because we would hate to let "the awkwardness of past relationships" bother you, especially since you said you could 'do without that.' It's funny though. There is no awkwardness on our part. We are great now. But you never took a chance to see that, did you?
On that same subject, I recently lost two of my best friends. One still baffles me because I am not really sure what I did, or supposedly said. I've never spoke a bad word about her. Yet she claims people say I did, although refuses to tell me what it was. She also told me to stay out of her life, so even though it hurts, I am doing just that. The other one, well. I'm still angry, and I don't think anything could really change that right now. The only promise I ever wanted her to keep, the most important one, was broken. And the sad thing is, that's not what the hurtful part was, cause I can't really blame her for how she felt. What I am angry about, is receiving a 4 day long guilt trip when it was true all along. And then still being lied to when I already knew the truth.
I hope, truly hope, that someday things can be different between us all. I miss everyone being friends. No drama. But until that day, I am just living my life with the people who want to be in it. The people who love me for me. The people who are happy for me. For Chris. For all of us, because in the end, we are all ending up exactly where we are supposed to be. And despite everything, I smile more now than I have in a long time. I laugh. Alot. I notice, my kids even notice. And that's amazing to me. I am happy with my love, my life, and with the direction it's all going in. And at the end of the day, that is truly all that matters. So I guess I answered my own question -- Life, love and the pursuit of happiness... it IS all tied together in the end. :)
