I like it here, I do. I like being close to everything. I love the house itself.
But I want to go home.
I miss my friends just walking in the front door like they own the place.
I miss the small-town feeling, with Dollar Generals everywhere you look.
I miss friends being close enough to stop by, even if no one ever did.
I miss family being close. Close enough for game nights. I miss game nights.
I miss eating cheese dip and chips and drinking margaritas while the kids play on the ghetto playground that probably should have been torn down years ago because it's falling apart.
I miss feeling like I was where I was supposed to be. For now, anyway.
I can't tell him though. He asks me and says to tell him the truth, but I just can't. Because then he would do what he always does, which is find a way to make it happen, and I love him for that, for always wanting to make me happy. But going back is not what he wants or at least I think. I don't think he really knows what he wants yet. He deserves to be happy, more-so than I do. He's the one that makes all the money that pays for everything. If he wants to stay over here, then we should. He does so much for me, for all of us, and if he wants to stay here, then I can do this much for him.
Tuesday, August 2, 2016
Thursday, February 5, 2015
For everyone obsessed with telling "the truth" about 50 Shades of Grey...
(Disclaimer: If you clicked on here to read this because you're one of the people described in the title, then you'll probably be offended. So either suck it up and keep reading, or STOP NOW. I am going to be VERY straight forward, and it may hurt your feelings.)
Did you actually read the books? No? Good, then shut up, your opinion is not valid. If you did read it, then you're entitled to your opinion of it but just like any other form of religion, no one wants this shoved down their throat and if you honestly think your article is going to prevent anyone from seeing the movie, you're wrong. Why? Let's get to that. Every article that's been in my newsfeed (and there have been sooo many, all written by different authors) the past couple of weeks about the books/movie have been written by people who have not even read the books, but feel completely compelled to judge it and warn everyone against it. That's not very Christian, is it? Hmm... They're judging it because, let's see: It's pornography. He's forcing her to do sexual things. It's about a man forcing a vulnerable girl to obey him. It'll ruin your marriage." Right? WRONG. Let's address those issues.
"It's pornography." Again, you didn't read it. Because if you did, then you'd know that it's not pornography. I mean, it may be to YOU, but in general, no. Just no. I've seen more than my fair share of porn, and lots of types too. (Please note that it was a long time ago though.) Nothing like that was in this book. Kinky stuff, yeah. But not porn.
"It'll ruin your marriage." Uhhh, what? I can't think of a single person who had marital issues after reading it, but I do know people who became pregnant shortly afterwards. (With their husband, of course.) Was I personally turned on by it? Absolutely. I won't lie. And my husband thanked me for it. But did I expect things to change between us? Nope. Did I suddenly wish he was Christian Grey? Nope. If you expected things to change in your marriage after reading this, or expected your husband to become like Christian Grey, then you have issues and you can't blame that on this book or any other book. Get real.
"He's forcing her to do sexual things." Again, negative. If you had read the books, you would know that she wanted to try them. She admitted to being nervous and even afraid, because it was something she'd never done. So they made up a safe word for her to say anytime she was even remotely uncomfortable with things. But he did tell her numerous times that she didn't have to do it. But she did. She wanted to. And she LIKED IT. (ohhh the horror!) In fact, she liked it so much that it brought out her "inner goddess" - a term she said quite frequently, to the point it got old actually. It got to the point where she liked being spanked. How many people in your real life do you know who like being spanked? More than would admit to it, I'm sure, because of prudish people like yourself. (No offense, but it is what it is.)
"It's about a man forcing a vulnerable girl to obey him." I've already addressed the sexual aspect of this above, but he wanted her to do everything he said. Eat the foods he wanted her to eat, dress better than she was dressing, etc. Basically, he was acting like every WIFE I know. Haha, but for real... Now had you judgemental people read the books, you would know that she defied him. Every single time. She was strong willed and stubborn and at some point, it caused them to split up because he liked his women a certain way, and she wasn't conforming to his standards. But wait, what happened? He got her back. He accepted finally that she was who she was, and he couldn't change that. And... wait for it... he liked her the feisty way she was. Now who saw that coming? I know who... open-minded people who don't judge something based on what someone else said.
I'm an open-minded person. I don't judge situations like those, or people who like things differently than me. And holy moly, I've done a few things that they've done in the book. (In the words of Toby Keith: "How do you like me now?") My point is this: all these Christians are spreading their high and mighty blogs around like wildfire, begging people not to see the movie because it's so bad and God won't approve and whatever, but all you're doing is proving the post we spread around last month about why people don't go to church... How about you stop being judgemental, and read the book before you form an opinion, okay? Until then, with all due respect, shut up about it. You begging people not to see this movie is a waste of your time. You don't even know the story. You only know what you read on the google search or the book cover. But obviously, any bookworm will tell you that's what they do to pull you in to make you read it.
I'll close with this: Anyone who read the books most likely will go see the movie as well, regardless of what any blog says. I know I will. And I'll also be going to see Channing Tatum shaking his sexy body in July when the new Magic Mike comes out. And you know what will happen in my marriage? Nothing. Because I'm realistic. I don't have some dumb high-school expectations of how it should be. So judge me now, or judge me later. Or do the Christian thing and not pass judgement at all like it should be. I'm not judging YOU for thinking it's stupid. I'm just saying you should actually read it before you start preaching about it. Now that you know more about me and my opinions (and even some other things you may wish you didn't know), what you do with that information is your decision. If it's 'too much' for you, peace out homie. Zero fucks given.
One last thing: I still think Ian Somerhalder (see photo) should have played Christian Grey. Just saying.
Did you actually read the books? No? Good, then shut up, your opinion is not valid. If you did read it, then you're entitled to your opinion of it but just like any other form of religion, no one wants this shoved down their throat and if you honestly think your article is going to prevent anyone from seeing the movie, you're wrong. Why? Let's get to that. Every article that's been in my newsfeed (and there have been sooo many, all written by different authors) the past couple of weeks about the books/movie have been written by people who have not even read the books, but feel completely compelled to judge it and warn everyone against it. That's not very Christian, is it? Hmm... They're judging it because, let's see: It's pornography. He's forcing her to do sexual things. It's about a man forcing a vulnerable girl to obey him. It'll ruin your marriage." Right? WRONG. Let's address those issues.
"It's pornography." Again, you didn't read it. Because if you did, then you'd know that it's not pornography. I mean, it may be to YOU, but in general, no. Just no. I've seen more than my fair share of porn, and lots of types too. (Please note that it was a long time ago though.) Nothing like that was in this book. Kinky stuff, yeah. But not porn.
"It'll ruin your marriage." Uhhh, what? I can't think of a single person who had marital issues after reading it, but I do know people who became pregnant shortly afterwards. (With their husband, of course.) Was I personally turned on by it? Absolutely. I won't lie. And my husband thanked me for it. But did I expect things to change between us? Nope. Did I suddenly wish he was Christian Grey? Nope. If you expected things to change in your marriage after reading this, or expected your husband to become like Christian Grey, then you have issues and you can't blame that on this book or any other book. Get real.
"He's forcing her to do sexual things." Again, negative. If you had read the books, you would know that she wanted to try them. She admitted to being nervous and even afraid, because it was something she'd never done. So they made up a safe word for her to say anytime she was even remotely uncomfortable with things. But he did tell her numerous times that she didn't have to do it. But she did. She wanted to. And she LIKED IT. (ohhh the horror!) In fact, she liked it so much that it brought out her "inner goddess" - a term she said quite frequently, to the point it got old actually. It got to the point where she liked being spanked. How many people in your real life do you know who like being spanked? More than would admit to it, I'm sure, because of prudish people like yourself. (No offense, but it is what it is.)
"It's about a man forcing a vulnerable girl to obey him." I've already addressed the sexual aspect of this above, but he wanted her to do everything he said. Eat the foods he wanted her to eat, dress better than she was dressing, etc. Basically, he was acting like every WIFE I know. Haha, but for real... Now had you judgemental people read the books, you would know that she defied him. Every single time. She was strong willed and stubborn and at some point, it caused them to split up because he liked his women a certain way, and she wasn't conforming to his standards. But wait, what happened? He got her back. He accepted finally that she was who she was, and he couldn't change that. And... wait for it... he liked her the feisty way she was. Now who saw that coming? I know who... open-minded people who don't judge something based on what someone else said.
I'm an open-minded person. I don't judge situations like those, or people who like things differently than me. And holy moly, I've done a few things that they've done in the book. (In the words of Toby Keith: "How do you like me now?") My point is this: all these Christians are spreading their high and mighty blogs around like wildfire, begging people not to see the movie because it's so bad and God won't approve and whatever, but all you're doing is proving the post we spread around last month about why people don't go to church... How about you stop being judgemental, and read the book before you form an opinion, okay? Until then, with all due respect, shut up about it. You begging people not to see this movie is a waste of your time. You don't even know the story. You only know what you read on the google search or the book cover. But obviously, any bookworm will tell you that's what they do to pull you in to make you read it.
I'll close with this: Anyone who read the books most likely will go see the movie as well, regardless of what any blog says. I know I will. And I'll also be going to see Channing Tatum shaking his sexy body in July when the new Magic Mike comes out. And you know what will happen in my marriage? Nothing. Because I'm realistic. I don't have some dumb high-school expectations of how it should be. So judge me now, or judge me later. Or do the Christian thing and not pass judgement at all like it should be. I'm not judging YOU for thinking it's stupid. I'm just saying you should actually read it before you start preaching about it. Now that you know more about me and my opinions (and even some other things you may wish you didn't know), what you do with that information is your decision. If it's 'too much' for you, peace out homie. Zero fucks given.
One last thing: I still think Ian Somerhalder (see photo) should have played Christian Grey. Just saying.
Thursday, September 11, 2014
Happy First Birthday, Zoey.
One year ago today, I was giving birth early to a miracle baby named Zoey. Zoey means "life." That's why we chose it, & it's fit since that day.
She was 4lb 8oz, with lungs full of fluid, and we were told she never would have made it until Friday when Dr. Lewis was going to do the c-section due to no changes in her growth. (That was a scary moment of realization, and I thank God for Dr. Trammell going with her gut on this. Also, because she said my uterus was so incredibly thin, going into labor on my own would have ruptured it for sure, killing both of us. She said it was so thin, it was like a window - you could see right through it, and she said she'll never forget that the rest of her life.) She was in an oxygen tent & on an IV for most of the first 24 hours of her life, and I didn't get to hold her until the next day.The hospital stay was pretty rough, and exhausting in a way I'd never known. Then we finally got to come home with a UV blanket for her jaundice.
Since then, she's experienced a lot. We knew about the hole in her heart since the 20 wk ultrasound during pregnancy, which they told us would close by birth, but then but found at her 6 month old cardiology appt that not only had it still not closed, there were actually two holes. Then, less than 2 weeks later, she was admitted to the hospital for a few days because we couldn't keep her awake. It was a terrifying time. Several tests, xrays, cathether, colonoscopy, bloodwork and other pokes and prods later, they determined it was intussusception - where part of her intestines gets sucked up inside the other part. But, being the trooper she is, she made it through that too and was back to her happy little self in no time. She's still pretty tiny for her age...she's exactly 17 lbs, no ounces. She just held her own bottle and fed herself for the first time four days ago, and still can't eat 'big people' foods, and she definitely doesn't sleep through the night. But to me, she's absolutely perfect and she hasn't let any of that bother her. She's probably the happiest-natured baby I've ever had.
She was 4lb 8oz, with lungs full of fluid, and we were told she never would have made it until Friday when Dr. Lewis was going to do the c-section due to no changes in her growth. (That was a scary moment of realization, and I thank God for Dr. Trammell going with her gut on this. Also, because she said my uterus was so incredibly thin, going into labor on my own would have ruptured it for sure, killing both of us. She said it was so thin, it was like a window - you could see right through it, and she said she'll never forget that the rest of her life.) She was in an oxygen tent & on an IV for most of the first 24 hours of her life, and I didn't get to hold her until the next day.The hospital stay was pretty rough, and exhausting in a way I'd never known. Then we finally got to come home with a UV blanket for her jaundice.
Since then, she's experienced a lot. We knew about the hole in her heart since the 20 wk ultrasound during pregnancy, which they told us would close by birth, but then but found at her 6 month old cardiology appt that not only had it still not closed, there were actually two holes. Then, less than 2 weeks later, she was admitted to the hospital for a few days because we couldn't keep her awake. It was a terrifying time. Several tests, xrays, cathether, colonoscopy, bloodwork and other pokes and prods later, they determined it was intussusception - where part of her intestines gets sucked up inside the other part. But, being the trooper she is, she made it through that too and was back to her happy little self in no time. She's still pretty tiny for her age...she's exactly 17 lbs, no ounces. She just held her own bottle and fed herself for the first time four days ago, and still can't eat 'big people' foods, and she definitely doesn't sleep through the night. But to me, she's absolutely perfect and she hasn't let any of that bother her. She's probably the happiest-natured baby I've ever had.
Happy birthday Fattles. I'm gonna go sob in a corner now.
Monday, August 25, 2014
"Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery..."
"Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery." That's what they say.
I say, MY ASS. I say, whoever 'they' are that said that is stupid, and is probably the one doing all the imitating. Because no one who has ever been copied (excuse me, imitated) finds it flattering.
They find it pure fucking irritating. Or at least I DO.
Having someone imitate me - whether it be my fashion sense, my creativeness and the things I make, my hairstyle or color, my work, even my pictures, and sometimes just my personality in general - is annoying. Because every time someone imitates me, I LOSE A PART OF WHAT MAKES ME ORIGINAL.
And that pisses me off.
It's not flattering to me for someone to say "I want to be like you" whether they say it out loud or say with their actions. (Unless I gave birth to you, then by all means, you're pretty much entitled to be like me. Maybe not entitled, more like doomed.) I don't want people to be like me, in any way whatsoever. If I did, I would try to blend in. I try to stand out for a reason. I like being me. Respect that, and be your own person. It's okay to be inspired by someone, but do your own thing.
For the love of God, do your own thing. Stop doing mine. Leave what little bit of 'me' I have left, alone.
I say, MY ASS. I say, whoever 'they' are that said that is stupid, and is probably the one doing all the imitating. Because no one who has ever been copied (excuse me, imitated) finds it flattering.
They find it pure fucking irritating. Or at least I DO.
Having someone imitate me - whether it be my fashion sense, my creativeness and the things I make, my hairstyle or color, my work, even my pictures, and sometimes just my personality in general - is annoying. Because every time someone imitates me, I LOSE A PART OF WHAT MAKES ME ORIGINAL.
And that pisses me off.
It's not flattering to me for someone to say "I want to be like you" whether they say it out loud or say with their actions. (Unless I gave birth to you, then by all means, you're pretty much entitled to be like me. Maybe not entitled, more like doomed.) I don't want people to be like me, in any way whatsoever. If I did, I would try to blend in. I try to stand out for a reason. I like being me. Respect that, and be your own person. It's okay to be inspired by someone, but do your own thing.
For the love of God, do your own thing. Stop doing mine. Leave what little bit of 'me' I have left, alone.
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
Time to reflect...
I'm not even sure where to start with this one, so I'm sure it'll be all over the place. Just bear with me. (Or is it bare with me? I wouldn't think so, that makes me feel like I'm asking you to get naked with me, and I'm not...) I was working on some Easter and wedding orders this morning since Kollin isn't here and listening to my iPod on shuffle, and came across a song that made me stop working and cry for a minute. Not a sad cry, but a happy, humble, grateful cry. It was tears of realization that I am loved.
"You find out who your friends are
Somebody's gonna drop everything
Run out & crank up their car
Hit the gas, get there fast
Never stop to think, "What's in it for me?" or "That's way too far..."
They just show on up, with their big ol' heart
You find out who your friends are."
I'm only 11 weeks, 2 days into this pregnancy and already, it's been a huge learning experience. They say every pregnancy is different and sure, they are, but this one is really taking the cake. And if it weren't for certain people cheering me on and checking on me constantly, I don't know how I'd have survived it this far. No, I'm not being extreme or exaggerating, and I don't expect you to understand if you aren't one of those people because you most likely have no clue what's going on with me. The ones I thought would be here, have kinda vanished. No more dinner invites or texts, or anything for that matter. (Like pregnancy is a disease they could catch if they're around me.) Whatever though, live your life. I'm happy with mine. Just don't expect to pick up where we left off.
Then there's the other people. The ones who I've just met in the past year, some just in the past few months, and they have come to mean more to me than people I've known for years. Why? Because friendship is more than margaritas at the mexican place. It's being there when you're needed, even when I post statuses saying to leave me alone. It's the ones who dig through my rough outer shell to see the real me inside, and then love me anyway. They are the ones who matter most. They haven't taken no for an answer. They can tell the difference between a genuine "I'm fine" and a fake one, and refuse to accept it until I spill the beans, and then they comfort me. They come and get my kids when they know I'm sick or just need a couple hours to rest. They randomly drop off food because they know the smell of it cooking is too much, and feel bad for my poor kids being forced to eat sandwiches lol. They send me texts that say they're just thinking of me, or they love me, just because. They always check on me, even the ones not even close to me, (or in a completely different state!) to see if I need anything. I always say no regardless, because I can have Kris bring it home after work, but it's nice to know they care enough to offer. It's basically just an overwhelming (in a good way) support system, and I am so lucky to have each and every one of them in my life. I truly love you guys.
"Perhaps it's not blood bonds that make us family. It's the people who know our secrets and love us anyway, that are our family." -- Gossip Girl. (Yes, I just went there.)
"You find out who your friends are
Somebody's gonna drop everything
Run out & crank up their car
Hit the gas, get there fast
Never stop to think, "What's in it for me?" or "That's way too far..."
They just show on up, with their big ol' heart
You find out who your friends are."
I'm only 11 weeks, 2 days into this pregnancy and already, it's been a huge learning experience. They say every pregnancy is different and sure, they are, but this one is really taking the cake. And if it weren't for certain people cheering me on and checking on me constantly, I don't know how I'd have survived it this far. No, I'm not being extreme or exaggerating, and I don't expect you to understand if you aren't one of those people because you most likely have no clue what's going on with me. The ones I thought would be here, have kinda vanished. No more dinner invites or texts, or anything for that matter. (Like pregnancy is a disease they could catch if they're around me.) Whatever though, live your life. I'm happy with mine. Just don't expect to pick up where we left off.
Then there's the other people. The ones who I've just met in the past year, some just in the past few months, and they have come to mean more to me than people I've known for years. Why? Because friendship is more than margaritas at the mexican place. It's being there when you're needed, even when I post statuses saying to leave me alone. It's the ones who dig through my rough outer shell to see the real me inside, and then love me anyway. They are the ones who matter most. They haven't taken no for an answer. They can tell the difference between a genuine "I'm fine" and a fake one, and refuse to accept it until I spill the beans, and then they comfort me. They come and get my kids when they know I'm sick or just need a couple hours to rest. They randomly drop off food because they know the smell of it cooking is too much, and feel bad for my poor kids being forced to eat sandwiches lol. They send me texts that say they're just thinking of me, or they love me, just because. They always check on me, even the ones not even close to me, (or in a completely different state!) to see if I need anything. I always say no regardless, because I can have Kris bring it home after work, but it's nice to know they care enough to offer. It's basically just an overwhelming (in a good way) support system, and I am so lucky to have each and every one of them in my life. I truly love you guys.
"Perhaps it's not blood bonds that make us family. It's the people who know our secrets and love us anyway, that are our family." -- Gossip Girl. (Yes, I just went there.)
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
This has nothing of interest being said.
Guess who is bored? This girl. Soooo, I'm gonna write about some random things. Ready, set, go!
I want an adventure. A road trip would be fun. Or a slumber party with the girls. I'd love that. I just need something spontaneous to happen, something fun.
I will definitely have a pool this summer. If I have to, I'll put it on layaway at Toys'R'Us and get it that way. And believe me, if you don't come over to hang out with me now, you sure as heck won't be then. Shady.
I sure wish my boots would come in sometime this year. I've been waiting forever. Okay technically not, seeing how I just ordered them Sunday and its only Tuesday but ugggh. I'm NOT a patient person. Never have been, never will be.
Kollin standing up already scares me. I don't want this to fly by. He might be my last one, so I want it to go slow. And I don't want him to get teeth. He's so cute with his toothless adorable grin. I need to get pictures of him made now that he can sit up, and I need to do it like asap. We need to get family pics made.
I miss the pink in my hair. I could put it back in, sure. But I miss being the only one with pink in their hair. Now anywhere you go, someone has it. Copycats. Okay maybe they're not copycats. It just means I was cool first. Hehe. :D
I'm super ready to experiment on formal dresses. I just have to figure out this zipper issue first. I'm kinda intimidated by the zipper, I won't even lie. But I promise within the next week, I will make myself create something with a zipper. Maybe a skirt. I don't know yet.
I want a massage. Yeah, a full body rubdown massage, like on tv.
"On top of spaghetti, all covered with cheese. I lost my poor meatball when somebody sneezed..."
Does anyone else remember that song from elementary school? They don't teach kids that stuff anymore, and that's kinda sad. .Useless fact: Wilmer Valderama is the voice of Handy Manny. (He's the one who played Fez on 'That 70s Show.')
Does anyone else remember that song from elementary school? They don't teach kids that stuff anymore, and that's kinda sad. .Useless fact: Wilmer Valderama is the voice of Handy Manny. (He's the one who played Fez on 'That 70s Show.')
I don't get why some people think clowns are scary. I'll admit, some are a little creepy looking, but they aren't scary. Like when I was a kid, I watched Killer Klowns From Outer Space, and I giggled. Laughed, even, cause it was funny to me, even at 9 years old. Nothing about that movie was scary, even though it was supposed to be.
I want to have another 80's party. It was fun dressing in all 80s clothes and listening to all 80s music. I know some people aren't too sure how the 80s people dressed (which is weird cause alot of it has come back into style, but that's a whole 'nother story.) But me, I grew up in the 80s. I was born in 1980 itself, so I'm a classic. ;)
Now, referring to the previous unfinished sentence - just because some things are in style doesn't mean you should wear it in public. And even some things that aren't in style shouldn't be worn in public unless it is for a specific cause. For example, spandex. Please do not wear spandex unless you're doing some kind of athletic activity such as going to the gym, doing a walk or run, going to yoga or Zumba, etc. Going to the mall in your spandex shorts does not qualify. Please put on real clothes, even if you have a supermodel body. It's just weird.
Gretchen Wilson said in her song "I keep my Christmas lights up on my front porch all year long." People make fun of other people who do that. Why? Clearly, the person who makes fun of it never had to hang them and then take them down every year. It just makes sense to leave them up there.
I'd love to go back to Stone Mountain and hike back down that volcano again. That was amazing. I wish we would've had more time that day. It was truly a beautiful place, so calm and peaceful, and the air seemed so much cleaner.
I absolutely LOVE being back with Sprint. I don't miss anything about at&t at all. I love this phone. It blows my iPhone out of the water and makes it seem like a toy. There are so many more apps, so much more areas of customization, and my favorite part-- the bill is cheaper for all the same features we had with at&t, and then some.
I love my job. I love being able to work when I want, and not work when I don't want to. Okay that's not completely true because sometimes people will order something and say they need it in a few days. What does that mean for me? Stop, drop, and sew. And not to toot my own horn or anything, but I'm getting sooo good at what I do. I started off doing this cause Kollin needed something to wear for our wedding, and when it turned out so cute, Kris told me I needed to list it for sale. I didn't think anyone would want one, but I posted one for sale June 24th. 2 days later the orders came rolling in and they haven't stopped yet. I've branched out into so many different things besides the tuxedos -- baby pants, baby suspender onesies, Mario, Luigi and Wario hats, boyshorts, baby and adult skirts, adult pajama & lounge pants, hobo bags, clutch purses, toddler outfits, tutu skirts... all kinds of things. I don't care if I never become famous for it. But I take it seriously, so you should too. I don't do this for free, because the materials (fabric, thread, buttons, ribbon, etc) isn't free, and neither is my time. So if you tell me you want me to make you something, please be serious about it the same way you would if I were a stranger. Cause I'm all business when it comes to my work.
I've been super nostalgic lately, reminiscing on old memories and good times in the past. There's so much I miss about the old days. Some of the traditions we had, some of the friends that have come and gone, places that no longer exist. If I was a songwriter, I'd totally write a song. But I'm not, so instead I write the memories on people's walls. :)
I'm terribly sad that this is One Tree Hill's last season. What am I supposed to watch when it's over? Sigh.
Does anyone know where to buy Jones Cream Soda in the bottle? (Not the can. I'm picky, it doesn't taste the same.) I used to love it but I can't seem to find it anymore and that makes me incredibly sad. Some gas stations have Jones sodas in the bottle but not the Cream soda. Every other flavor under the sun, sure. Just not the one I want.
Me and my LJ have become reacquainted again. I like that. Alot. I had gotten out of the writing phase for a while there, but I'm happy to be back in it again.
I for real have fallen majorly in love with the Hannah Montana show. Way too late, I know. But better late than never, right? The sad part is, none of the kids were even home when I started watching it. (Well, Kollin was but he doesn't count. He only cares about watching Mickey Mouse.) I just caught a marathon and it sucked me in because I was too lazy to get the remote and turn it. I now feel like I need to see the Hannah movies. Anyone got them? Don;t offer to let me borrow them if you do, cause it'll take me forever to return them. Bush let me borrow her first 3 seasons of Grey's Anatomy. Sue and I started watching it. We made it to the 6th episode of the first season. Things happened, and I have yet to even attempt to resume watching it alone. I should return them to Bush, if I ever see her, cause I know I'll never get around to watching it. I don't like watching anything alone. I like having someone there with me to discuss it as we watch.
Thanks for reading this. You must have been bored. I said absolutely nothing of real importance, but I warned you. Know what that means? I have just taken probably 5-7 minutes of your life that you will never get back again. Hehe..!
Friday, October 22, 2010
Deep breath... and here we go.
I've been keeping my thoughts to myself for a while now, thinking things might change. Giving you the benefit of a doubt. Cause of course I want things to be different. I wanted it so bad. But I am saying right here, right now, that I am giving up. I don't care anymore. I don't care what you do, where you go, who you do it with... but just know that I won't be there to be a part of it. And neither will my kids. I refuse to submit them to what I had to grow up in. They deserve better than that. Better than you. So do Destiny and Brittany, but you don't care about them or anyone else. You never have, except for yourself. It's sad, my kids love you so much, and it hurts to have to take them out of your life because of choices you've made, but one day they'll understand. Hell, Riley already does. He comments on you being drunk all the time. He's 11 years old, he shouldn't see the things he sees when he's around you. I thought, really thought - that maybe seeing how you DIED and got brought back to life by EMTs that you would look at life a little differently. That maybe you might want to actually LIVE for a change instead of drinking yourself away. But no, I guess not. I was wrong. I let you come to the birthday party because I wanted to see for myself how you were. But after you called me the other night, drunk, asking for money.. that was it for me. I'm done with you unless you can get some help. Some real help. This includes holidays such as Thanksgiving and Christmas. I refuse to have my kids around you. Or rather, to have you around my kids. I've brushed it off all these years, but I just can't do it anymore. You want to kill yourself by drinking, fine. Go for it. But I won't be around to see it and neither will your grandchildren. I love you, but I don't like you. I don't even know who you are anymore.
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